Why Joey is the most underrated Friends character
He's a kind, emotionally intelligent man who is nothing like the villainous Ross.
Reader, I’ve fallen in love. The man in question has always been firmly in the “friend” category since I met him 16 years ago. Sure, he’s handsome, perfectly nice and he makes me laugh, but I’ve never seen him in that way before. He’s a ladies man, he’s not the most intellectual, and I don’t think we have anything in common – or so I thought. Because now, like all good friends-to-lovers storylines, I’m seeing him in a new light. The man in question? Joey Tribbiani.
I’ve spent hours rewatching Friends this week, as I’ve been in bed with the flu, and I can’t unsee that Joey is the best male character in the show. I used to think he was superficial and not intelligent – probably because his friends treat him like a man-child who only cares about women and sandwiches. But he’s the most emotionally intelligent member of the group.
He’s the one who actually engages in Monica’s fears of being childless and helps her imagine a future husband; he is the only one in the group who refuses to watch Phoebe’s porn film – for the valid reason that she’s his friend. And when Rachel messes up her trifle, he wants to come clean as he knows she will be devastated. It’s Ross who convinces him to lie (shock).
Joey is also ahead of his time. Unlike the other guys in the show, he can appreciate typically “girly” things. While Ross won’t let his son play with Barbie and Chandler can’t take a bath without his toy boat, Joey wears his handbag with pride, only giving it up when his friends tell him he must. And when Janine moves in, Joey loves crocheting and pot pourri and the floral decorations – in fact, when Chandler shames him for these things, he moves them into his bedroom instead of throwing them out.
But Joey’s real magic is in the way he treats his friends. He is the most selfless of all the characters, constantly putting everyone above himself: he takes ballroom dancing lessons with the souper so Monica and Rachel won’t get evicted; he gives Phoebe the perfect kiss when she turns 31; he lets Chandler date his ex-girlfriend Kathy; he pees on Monica when she’s stung by a jellyfish; he covers for Chandler and Monica when they start sleeping together; he gives up meat when Phoebe is pregnant so she can eat it; and he gets rid of beer from his apartment because it makes Rachel nauseous. This is a man who clearly has sisters, and that selfless, protective vibe makes him the most caring of the group.
Friendship is so important to Joey, he even puts it above his relationships. He rarely falls in love, but his fledgling relationship with his roommate Janine comes to a crashing halt when she says she doesn’t like Monica and Chandler. He dated Ursula but when given an ultimatum of choosing between her and Phoebe, he chooses Phoebe. And when he falls in love with Rachel, he doesn’t act on it until he gets the green light from Ross. Even when Rachel feels the same way in Barbados, Joey initially turns her down because of what it would do to Ross.
Ross does not extend him, or anyone else, the same courtesy. Ross kisses Chandler’s mum, Rachel’s sister, the girl from the copy house (less than three hours after he went on a break with Rachel), and Joey’s girlfriend Charlie moments after they broke up. In fact, Joey only changes his mind about kissing Rachel after seeing Ross kissing his ex-girlfriend.
On this rewatch, I now see that Rachel should have ended up with Joey – and not just because Ross is a walking red flag (he’s jealous, he’s rude to the women he dates, he acts like he owns Rachel, among other reasons). Aside from the fact they have more in common, and they genuinely have fun in each other’s company, Joey dotes on Rachel.
When Joey is secretly in love with Rachel, and trying to snap out of it, he writes a list of all the reasons he doesn’t like her, but the only item on his list is “she made me switch to light mayo.” Compare that with Ross’ infamous list in Season 2 (“chubby ankles”, “she’s just a waitress”, etc). Joey can’t see, or doesn’t care about, all of the horrible things that Ross sees. And shouldn’t you be with someone who sees the best version of you?
Personally, I can’t see Joey in any other way now. He’s kind and emotionally intelligent, but still funny, sexy and full of boyish charm. It took me 16 years to get here but, like all great love stories, it was worth the wait.
Cosy reccos
The one where Joey is the most underrated friend
If you don’t believe in Joey supremacy, maybe these 17 episodes will convince you — all available to stream on Netflix.
The One Where No One’s Ready (s3, ep2). This is the episode where Joey wears everything Chandler owns, minus underwear. This is the boyish charm I was talking about.
The One Where Chandler Can’t Remember Which Sister (s3, ep11). Joey is a family man and he puts his sisters above his best friend when his best friend is out of line. We love when men hold their friends accountable!
The One With the Screamer (s3, ep22). Joey loves his co-star Kate but she gets a job in LA. Even though he loves her, he lets her go (take note, Ross).
The One With The Jellyfish (s4, ep1). He! Stepped! Up!
The One with the Ballroom Dancing (s4, ep4). Joey takes ballroom dancing lessons to stop Monica and Rachel getting evicted. Seriously, what a good friend.
The One with Chandler in a Box (s4, ep 8). After Joey’s girlfriend Kathy cheats on him with Chandler, Joey understandably gives him a hard time. But, ultimately, he still gives Chandler permission to be with Kathy.
The One with Ross’ Sandwich (s5, ep9). Joey covers for Chandler and Monica, even though their cover-up stories make him look terrible.
The One With Joey’s Bag (s5, ep13). He loves his bag and, despite all the haters, he knows he looks good.
The One with the Cop (s5, ep16). Joey worries he fancies Monica when she’s with Chandler, so he avoids her. If he’d been Ross or Chandler he probably would have acted on it.
The One with Ross’ Teeth (s6, ep8). Janine makes “girly” changes to the apartment and Joey wants to keep all the stuff. An adorable man.
The One Where Ross Got High (s6, ep9). Even though he and Ross want to go to a party with loads of dancers, Joey still thinks they should tell Rachel the truth about her trifle.
The One with the Proposal pt2 (s6, ep25). He facilitates the proposal between Chandler and Monica.
The One Where They All Turn Thirty (s7, ep14). Phoebe is sad she never got to meet someone Portugese or have the perfect kiss, so Joey kisses her and tells her he’s 1/16 Portugese.
The One with the Red Sweater (s8, ep2). When he thinks Phoebe is pregnant, he proposes to her so she won’t have to do it alone. And then offers the same to Rachel. OK, sure, they are independent women who don’t need the support - but it was sweet of him to offer.
The One where Joey Dates Rachel (s8, ep12). He takes out Rachel to cheer her up when she’s pregnant. A good friend.
The One Where Chandler Takes a Bath + The One With the Secret Closet (s8, eps 13-14), Joey agonises over his love of Rachel in a way that’s more endearing and less creepy than Ross in Season One. He is selfless here, too – telling Rachel to live with Ross so he won’t miss out on any pregnancy milestones, even though he will miss her.
The One Where Joey Tells Rachel (s8, ep16). He tells Ross about his feelings for Rachel because he’s a grown-up and a good friend. Did I mention he deserves the world?
What I’m watching this week 📺
Aside from a lot of Friends, I’ve been watching 8 Simple Rules, which is new to Disney+. That show defined my childhood and if you haven’t seen it, go watch it. It’s got a young Kaley Cuoco as Bridget, a popular 16-year-old, who clashes with her younger sister, the bookish Kerry. It’s sweet and easy to watch. I’ve also just finished my rewatch of Gilmore Girls (including A Year in the Life) and I’m having to restrain myself from starting it again.
In terms of films, I’ve been watching a lot of break-up films: How to Be Single, 500 Days of Summer; Someone Great (a 10/10 perfect film). I watched Players on Netflix, due to my love of Someone Great, and it was…not great, to be honest. I wanted to love it, and it had the kind of 90s premise that I usually love, but the writing felt flat and the plot felt too low stakes.
What I’m reading 📕
I’m currently reading Rachel’s Holiday by Marian Keyes. It was first published in 1997, when I was 2 years old, but I’m finding it funny and weirdly inspiring. It’s about a 27-year-old called Rachel, who’s been put in rehab for drug abuse, but she doesn’t think she’s a drug addict. She’s just there for a “holiday”. I’m still near the beginning of the 600-page book, but I can already tell it’s going to be about Rachel learning to love herself – which, as I’m still in the midst of breakup hell, sounds like my cuppa tea.
Is there a particular topic you’d like to see covered in the next Comfort Culture? Leave a comment below or email me at katievictoria.russell@gmail.com.